Friendship…what is the definition of this word? According to the dictionary friendship is the state of being a friend — a friend is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a person who is on good terms with another. According to a person I considered one of my best friends we are not friends anymore because we don’t speak often enough for her. Here is the deal, we grew up together (we were a trio) and we used to do a lot of things together. Travel, hang out, etc…but we all grew up. 20 years ago all we had to do was be around each other, because we had no other responsibilities. Now we obviously have other things going on…we are all working mothers, they are married and I am not (doesn’t make it any easier for me to deal with day to day things). So the issue she has with me is that we don’t speak often and she would rather have a “true friendship” with me than what we have been having…I was at a loss because I don’t measure my friendships by how often we speak on the phone. I don’t call as often as she doesn’t call me and somehow I am the issue as far as communication goes. I did address that with her and she still doesn’t get that communication is a two way street and if this is how she had been felling for the past few years (according to her) she should have said something when she felt the shift instead of waiting all this time. So to me she didn’t want to fix the relationship at all. If I were to feel a difference in how our relationship was I would have stated so immediately, why wait we are friends after all, aren’t we. All 3 of us live in different states, me being the furthest away so I can’t just pop in for a quick visit on a Saturday afternoon and have lunch…and the third doesn’t speak hardly either but somehow I am the only one that has the issue. So in my opinion the issue is not how often we speak or what we speak about, I think it is something completely different. What I don’t know, maybe she can’t be friends with the single friend anymore. It is like the most high school situation I have been in since high school…which pisses me off. So like the saying goes some people are in your life for a reason, others are there for a season…I am guessing I am supposed to learn from this situation and her season is over. Luckily I know who I can count on regardless of how busy we get or how often we speak.
One of the topics this morning on the radio (while driving in to the office) was…
“Do you remain friends with your exes?”
I do…in most cases. I am a relationship whore…I have been in relationships constantly since HS. I have hardly had breakups that was so terrible I felt we couldn’t be friendly. One ex in particular has been my best guyfriend since we broke up…we don’t call and text each other all the time, because lets face the facts his ex and my ext did not care for that. So it was more like when we need each other we know we are there. Now that we are not attached anymore, we talk more frequently, check up with each other via text, FB, etc. Its funny because all of his exes hated my guts, mind you none of them ever met me…yes I know ladies hard to hold a candle next to the one who stole his purity 🙂 but give me a break…that was eons ago. His last girlfriend was the only one that did not have a problem with him being friends with me. Other than him I am not quite sure I am friends with anyone else…not because of anything in particular, just because we lost touch.
My most current ex…we have to be friends, we have two girls together…even though at times I wish I did not have to speak to him at all. He would be the one that I would never speak to again. We did not break up on bad terms…I was pretty okay with him leaving to move back home (NY)…just after he left he decided to show his true self. If he would just be good to my girls I would not be so angry with him. We were together for so long, I know him better than he knows himself sometimes and that is so unfortunate. I just wish he would get it together so we can be friendly…there is nothing worse than parents that can’t stand each other, and I don’t want to be that…I grew up with that and it was not fun.
What do you think, is it possible to be friends with exes?