Dear Ex

Dear Deadbeat Asshole:
 
I have given you ample time to get your shit together and be a good dad to your beautiful daughters.  I have waited for months for you to even acknowledge that you have 2 beautiful daughters that want and miss you dearly.  Unfortunately, you mistook my kindness for weakness and oh how wrong you are dear ex…so wrong that as I write this letter your child support enforcement papers are sitting next to me waiting to be filled out and guess what? They are next.  I tried to be a civilized adult and work out a payment agreement and visitation without going to court to have some stranger tell you how much time you should have with your girls and how much money you should be sending to them regularly.  A little bit of change every 6 weeks or so just isn’t cutting it anymore.  Your kids need to eat, they need school clothes, school supplies, a place to live with heat and air conditioner…bottom line is they need things to survive and they were born to 2 parents not 1.  I am doing my part to the best of my ability and I probably don’t even need your little bit of shit you want to send whenever you want to send it, but that is not the point.  The point is you created 2 children and your ass is going to take care of them one way or another…too bad you couldn’t be a damn man and do what you needed to do for them on your own. Karma is a big assed bitch so be very careful buddy.
 
Your Very Proud Mommy of 2 Ex
 
P.S. You have not taken anything from me…you have only improved my resume, now I can add Proud Father of 2 Amazing girls raised by no one but me 🙂  Thanks

Follow Up

After my cousin met with my brother she felt sure that he was OKAY 😀  She said he looks great, and he sounded great. He has a lot of anger towards our father and and with him stressing him out, no wonder he lost a lot of weight, not to mention his job, he was a waiter at a restaurant and the kitchen was downstairs and the dining room was up..so going up and down the stairs for a whole shift 5 days a week will do it…maybe I should become a waitress to get my last 15lbs off…lol.  So my cousin came to the conclusion that he is okay, that is all I can go on these days. After hearing what the conversation had been about I can totally understand why my brother is so mad at dad.

Just wanted to let you all know everything was okay.

My Heart Is Breaking

My thoughts are all over the place right now so please bear with me. 
 
I am trying to figure out how things end up the way they do…you watch people around you and see the potential they have and wait to see how big they will make it in this world.  What do you do when you start noticing a decline in motivation, and a heavy lean towards recreational behavior (drugs, alcohol, etc.)?  The person I am speaking of has been a part of my heart and life for 20, almost 21 years, he has always been so smart and loving…he is my one and only brother.  He is going through some things that have me really worried, he doesn’t want to talk about anything, and it is looking like my father has been right more and more each day.  Recently, my parents (Dad and Stepmom) have given my brother an ultimatum…either seek counseling and go for drug testing or you have to leave…what does my brother do? He leaves.  When I spoke to him a few days later he told me he left because he did not want to be forced into therapy…he didn’t care about the drug test.  So he says…he leaves the house, doesn’t say where he is going, he is just gone.  When I spoke with him all I could get out of him is that he is staying with friends…bouncing from couch to couch until he can get enough money to get his own place. 
 
My dad was an addict and it took a lot for him to get clean…mostly having me when he did saved his life, he got clean for me…and since then he hasn’t even had a beer.  So he obviously knows what signs to look for when dealing with drug and alcohol abuse.  So I get a phone call one evening (about 2 weeks ago) and its my dad…mind you he never calls me unless he wants to talk to the girls.  He is telling me his version of what is happening…in a nutshell, he left because they told him that he needed to talk to someone about what he is going through and needs to take a drug test.  As per my father, my brothers behavior has gotten worse over the last year, he failed out of a very prestigious university (one he did not want to attend but now that he is no longer attending he seems to be there a lot visiting), he got a job working crazy hours, I was told that he comes home about 2 or 3am and leaves out at about 10am and when he is home when the rest of the family (Dad, Stepmom and little sister) is home he stays in his bedroom with the door shut, doesn’t want to interact with anyone, etc.  My dad said he has lost a tremendous amount of weight (he was not ever overweight) and always looks hazy (Dad’s words).  He is working all the time, but never has any money, he doesn’t pay his own cell phone bill, no rent, no bills, why doesn’t he have money?  So he told me he knows he is using and it is not just weed. 😦
 
So, after speaking with my brother I just brushed it off as my dad was being his dramatic self, until I got a text today at 7:30am from my cousin (really my stepmoms cousin and my brothers godmother…but she is my family, my cousin) to call her, so I did at 7:30am.  She needed advice because my because my brother texted her at 6:30am telling her he needed to talk her, so she called him and he didn’t answer, so almost immediately he texted her saying he doesn’t know any other way to say what he needs to say but…I need your help, I need some money, I was robbed and I was forced to quit my job but I am okay, I just need some money to get me through until I get another job (brother speak).  She immediately text me because she didn’t know what to do, she was informing me that the last few times she has seen him he looked really bad, very drawn in…and he was mean to the kids (which is totally not a characteristic of his), after she and I spoke for about a half hour she called him.  He then told her that he quit his job over a week ago because he found out they were going to fire him, that he was going to be working fashion week this weekend, he only had $9 on him and he just needed to get by until he got his next check, that he was robbed the day he quit, he had $750 in the safe at work and on his way home someone robbed him, took the cash but left his wallet and watch.  He basically rushed her off the phone.   So she calls me back to tell me what he said.  He agreed to meet her after she got off of work so she can assess the situation, she wants to see what he looks like.
 
The problem is that none of his story is adding up, addicts lie to keep their habit going and he is lying. He told my cousin he could not meet her on Sunday because he was working, but then tells her today that he quit his job over a week ago…he doesn’t want anyone to know where he is living or who he is crashing with…he gets robbed of $750 he kept in a safe at work when he has his own bank account (I am a NY’er for life and I know if you get mugged in NYC you are gonna lose more than your cash, they will be taking your wallet, phone, and whatever jewelry you have on)…
Then after all of that I checked his FB page and lo and behold he has been visiting his old college campus and planned on going back up there this weekend…how if you are working fashion week. 
 
Basically my heart is breaking because I am 900 miles away from home and I can’t help him… 

What To Do

I am not sure how to approach this situation.  As most of you know my ex was in town for the weekend that just passed and we had a very cordial/friendly visit.  All was well or so I thought.  As I was checking my facebook yesterday I noticed his cousin was online and we were chatting.  She started to talk to me about my ex and not realizing she was sharing some new information…she notified me that he recently got a DUI and how he is headed down the same path as his father…(his father has had so many DUI’s that he got his license taken away and still lives at home with his parents at the age of 53) so what do I do with that…besides feel sad for him.  I/We thought the DUI just happened since he got back to NY but come to realize that this whole thing happened 2 weeks prior…during which time my daughter was in NY with him.  I have spoken with him and his mother since this whole ordeal happened and neither one of them said anything to me about it…

I can totally understand protecting your child and not wanting to shed a bad light on an already tough situation but give me a damn break…I am not just a bitter ex, I am the mother of his two children…one of which was in NY while all of this went down.  I think I deserve to know what the hell is going on.  Don’t you? I don’t need to know every waking detail of his life but something as important as that I think should be told to me.

While he was here I was talking to him about life and everything and how he needs to be a better provider for his kids and helping him with ideas on how to get there…I told him that I think he needs to go into the military.  He is not doing anything good with his life in NY and it is scary to me because his father was/is the same way he is being and he hates his father… I just don’t understand how he can do the same BS his father did and not think the girls will look at him the same way he looks at his father.  I just don’t want it to be too late for him to have a good relationship with the girls…and I don’t know how many times I need to emphasize how much a little girl needs her daddy…Shit I am almost 30 and I need my daddy still sometimes.

What do I do? I can’t force him to do anything but something has to happen.  He is never in the house when I call, he is always out playing basketball or something…never do I call and someone tells me he is at work.  There is a problem a big problem here.  Do I threaten to take the kids away from him permanently until he gets his life together???