I am home alone for the next 4 weeks. I have survived week 1 without the kiddies. This is usually the hardest week, because I really have no clue what to do with myself when I am not in “mommy mode”. When the kids are home it is so easy for me to focus on other things (mommy things) and not be intrigued to go out on the town, being in a long distance relationship and all. So, now I am home with no kids and no man (he is supposed to be coming down for a long weekend soon)…this spells DISASTER loud and clear in my head. I am fighting the feeling I am having to behave badly…but I can hear the whispers telling me to go out and have a good time, enjoy yourself, enjoy not having the kids, enjoy life while you have one. This week I have been to the gym or the park for a workout/tennis everyday except Wednesday and I will be going to the gym tonight…and as soon as I blink long enough it will be the weekend. I have several things I could do tomorrow evening, I was invited to a birthday party, a BBQ, another birthday party and I was asked out on a “date”. I wouldn’t mind the date because he knows I am in a LDR and all, but I also know he has intentions on trying to convince me I don’t need to be in a LDR…so that is up in the air still. The 2 birthday parties…hmmm…one is a friend of mine and the other is a friend of a friend, so do I go to the friend of the friend so I can meet new people and can have a carefree good time or do I go to the friends where I will have a good time but the company is not really my type ;). The BBQ is the safest place for me because I know just about everyone that will be there, it is close to home so if I drink I won’t have to drive home and there is no chance of me running off into the night with anyone…hmmm the downpart about the BBQ is I know everyone there and I am sure they will have another BBQ in a few weeks and I could always go to that one. Decisions, decisions, decisions…
So advice is needed here…It has been so long since I have been on the real dating scene, is it appropriate to date a friend of an ex? I see it all the time in Hollywood, but is it okay to do in reality, in our real life? I was watching The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and noticed that one of the wives married a friend of her ex-husbands and they are all still friends. Does that happen in real life or only in cities like that?
A friend of my ex asked me out, a part of me wants to say yes because I am pretty sure we would have a good time but the other part of me thinks its crazy. I am battling the idea because I feel like I don’t know if I would give it a serious chance because of his “friendship” with my ex. When he came by the house a few weeks ago he told me he hadn’t talked to the ex in a few months (why the ” are necessary)…so friendship is used loosely here. I don’t know about you, but I speak to my friends more often than that…even if only via email or text.
So again I ask, is this appropriate?
Back in High School, you came over that day. Don’t you remember?Hmmm…obviously not…is that a sign? I don’t know how he or she could want to be involved with the other…you have had sex in the past, yes it has been quite some time ago, but damn you don’t remember. As the man, I would take offense to that, either the sex wasn’t that good (which is a deal breaker for me as a female…hello sex is not everything but let’s be real, it does matter) or you are just out there and have slept with so many people you just can’t remember. Now again, don’t get me wrong, I have had an encounter or two that I did not remember, not for lack of enthusiasm or fun, but because I had way too much to drink…but at some point it hits you like a ton of bricks…oh shit did I do that…yes doll you absolutely did…and then you move on. Any thoughts?
One of the topics this morning on the radio (while driving in to the office) was…
“Do you remain friends with your exes?”
I do…in most cases. I am a relationship whore…I have been in relationships constantly since HS. I have hardly had breakups that was so terrible I felt we couldn’t be friendly. One ex in particular has been my best guyfriend since we broke up…we don’t call and text each other all the time, because lets face the facts his ex and my ext did not care for that. So it was more like when we need each other we know we are there. Now that we are not attached anymore, we talk more frequently, check up with each other via text, FB, etc. Its funny because all of his exes hated my guts, mind you none of them ever met me…yes I know ladies hard to hold a candle next to the one who stole his purity 🙂 but give me a break…that was eons ago. His last girlfriend was the only one that did not have a problem with him being friends with me. Other than him I am not quite sure I am friends with anyone else…not because of anything in particular, just because we lost touch.
My most current ex…we have to be friends, we have two girls together…even though at times I wish I did not have to speak to him at all. He would be the one that I would never speak to again. We did not break up on bad terms…I was pretty okay with him leaving to move back home (NY)…just after he left he decided to show his true self. If he would just be good to my girls I would not be so angry with him. We were together for so long, I know him better than he knows himself sometimes and that is so unfortunate. I just wish he would get it together so we can be friendly…there is nothing worse than parents that can’t stand each other, and I don’t want to be that…I grew up with that and it was not fun.
What do you think, is it possible to be friends with exes?
Remember when life was as easy as waking up…grooming ones self…going to school…socializing/learning…waiting for someone to ask you to be his/her girlfriend/boyfriend via a note folded 4 times with a yes, no and maybe box for you to check. That was how easy it was to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. Now…days are so jam packed its almost impossible to have a conversation with another adult…none the less a date. Now…we must be on facebook, twitter, and all the other social networking sites, we must go speed dating, we must go to online dating websites so find someone that may or may not be as fake as the picture they got from google images…but we do it. Why? Because of the need for another adults companionship. When you work 40+ hours a week (not including the commute), and have children to raise alone where do you go to meet anyone, when do you even have the time? The few places you do end up…you have the kids…so really where do we meet? The choices are: the supermarket, church, target, the park, in traffic or at work. I have a problem with all of these places…I don’t want to meet you in the supermarket for fear you may judge me by what is or isn’t in my cart, as I will you…church is too close to home and they are all so gossipy…target has the same implications as the supermarket and I am pretty sure I have way more personal items in my cart at target…the park is a problem because either you are there with your kids, which I want no parts of the baby momma drama – and if you’re not there with your kids WHY ARE YOU ON THE DAMN PLAYGROUND!!…lets see what is wrong with meeting someone in traffic – EVERYTHING what are we gonna do get out of the car and chat or scream phone numbers from the open windows…work we all know is a hit or miss situation and if its a miss it sure can make things awkward.
There were no expectations back then…just to walk around school and hold hands and tell everyone that the other is your bf/gf…maybe sneak a kiss in the stairwell but that was it. No pressure. Now….what aren’t they expecting. I know I have a checklist as I would hope he has…what’s on my checklist you ask? Good credit, nice car, good job, savings, own something (house, condo, co-op, etc.), handsome, funny, family oriented, outgoing, motivator, good in bed, etc…IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER. That is a lot to expect from someone you don’t even know…so what happens when you find someone that is really handsome and that is all he has to offer…of course off first look…and a few dates you don’t know that he isn’t everything you need him to be…what do you do after time has passed…do you settle? Do you shrug it off and start the game over? What happens to all the time that we waste, dating people that are not good for us. Nothing happens … that’s the problem, we waste all this time and in the end we just get older making harder to find the “right” person because now that we wasted time with Joe, John, Mark, etc…we have found more things to add to our list of expectations. And now that we are getting older and the time is still ticking away it makes for us to make hasty decisions regarding our hearts because who wants to grow old alone…who wants to wait until they can’t have kids to have them? Wasting all of this time is forcing us to find love, get engaged, get married and have kids all within a two year time span…why? Because we have wasted all of this time…because the world is different…the world is on speed. Every time you logon to a social networking site someones status changes from “single” to “engaged”, from “engaged” to “married”, from “whatever” to “it’s complicated”…there is a button for everything. Dating websites find people for you based on what you put in its database…lets all hope what you put is indeed factual, because when/if we do meet in person I don’t want to see a beer belly when your current photo has you with rock hard abs.
Three more clicks people and I might just hit the jackpot…