Friendship…

Friendship…what is the definition of this word?  According to the dictionary friendship is the state of being a friend — a friend is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a person who is on good terms with another.   According to a person I considered one of my best friends we are not friends anymore because we don’t speak often enough for her.  Here is the deal, we grew up together (we were a trio) and we used to do a lot of things together.  Travel, hang out, etc…but we all grew up.  20 years ago all we had to do was be around each other, because we had no other responsibilities.  Now we obviously have other things going on…we are all working mothers, they are married and I am not (doesn’t make it any easier for me to deal with day to day things).  So the issue she has with me is that we don’t speak often and she would rather have a “true friendship” with me than what we have been having…I was at a loss because I don’t measure my friendships by how often we speak on the phone.  I don’t call as often as she doesn’t call me and somehow I am the issue as far as communication goes.  I did address that with her and she still doesn’t get that communication is a two way street and if this is how she had been felling for the past few years (according to her) she should have said something when she felt the shift instead of waiting all this time.  So to me she didn’t want to fix the relationship at all.  If I were to feel a difference in how our relationship was I would have stated so immediately, why wait we are friends after all, aren’t we.   All 3 of us live in different states, me being the furthest away so I can’t just pop in for a quick visit on a Saturday afternoon and have lunch…and the third doesn’t speak hardly either but somehow I am the only one that has the issue.  So in my opinion the issue is not how often we speak or what we speak about, I think it is something completely different. What I don’t know, maybe she can’t be friends with the single friend anymore.  It is like the most high school situation I have been in since high school…which pisses me off. So like the saying goes some people are in your life for a reason, others are there for a season…I am guessing I am supposed to learn from this situation and her season is over. Luckily I know who I can count on regardless of how busy we get or how often we speak.

Are You Really Listening To A 5 Year Old

As I sit and think about what is currently happening in my life and what has happened in the past I realize that I go through phases not knowing … doubting myself without even knowing it.  Most recently I realized that I have not done what I thought I would have done with my life … to date.

When I was a child around 5 years old my parents would ask me…”What do you want to be when you grow up?” My silly answer was “A doctor and a lawyer.

Unfortunately I did not take the medical school or law school route but the most unfortunate part of this is that it was what my parents really expected.

A child has concept on what they should be as an adult…the many twists and turns life takes you through. I went through all of my school years getting very good grades, and when high school came around I had a social life and got good grades…great right?  Not so much, those words stated as a 5 year old were still haunting me through high school, so what did I do my first year of college when my counselor asked me to declare a major…Pre-Med please…Ha!!  I hated it so much I didn’t go to class, didn’t want to read 300 pages a week for one class when I had 5 classes…needless to say I changed my major my Sophmore year. Too bad the damage was already done…Senior year I ended up taking and doing very well on the LSAT exam but realized I didn’t want to go to law school, not right away anyway.  So after having jobs in different functionalities I returned back to school to become a nurse…or to try to become a nurse.  So instead of being 8 years into my career I am waiting to start my career.  Somedays I wonder if I should just take the test to become a teacher down here…so many ups and downs in my head but I know what I want to do I just hate that I have to wait to do it…

Instead of wanting to please everyone around me instead of myself I should have taken time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life…then maybe…just maybe I wouldn’t be such a mess today.