A Little Taste of Freedom

I am home alone for the next 4 weeks. I have survived week 1 without the kiddies. This is usually the hardest week, because I really have no clue what to do with myself when I am not in “mommy mode”. When the kids are home it is so easy for me to focus on other things (mommy things) and not be intrigued to go out on the town, being in a long distance relationship and all. So, now I am home with no kids and no man (he is supposed to be coming down for a long weekend soon)…this spells DISASTER loud and clear in my head. I am fighting the feeling I am having to behave badly…but I can hear the whispers telling me to go out and have a good time, enjoy yourself, enjoy not having the kids, enjoy life while you have one. This week I have been to the gym or the park for a workout/tennis everyday except Wednesday and I will be going to the gym tonight…and as soon as I blink long enough it will be the weekend. I have several things I could do tomorrow evening, I was invited to a birthday party, a BBQ, another birthday party and I was asked out on a “date”. I wouldn’t mind the date because he knows I am in a LDR and all, but I also know he has intentions on trying to convince me I don’t need to be in a LDR…so that is up in the air still. The 2 birthday parties…hmmm…one is a friend of mine and the other is a friend of a friend, so do I go to the friend of the friend so I can meet new people and can have a carefree good time or do I go to the friends where I will have a good time but the company is not really my type ;). The BBQ is the safest place for me because I know just about everyone that will be there, it is close to home so if I drink I won’t have to drive home and there is no chance of me running off into the night with anyone…hmmm the downpart about the BBQ is I know everyone there and I am sure they will have another BBQ in a few weeks and I could always go to that one. Decisions, decisions, decisions…

Friendship…

Friendship…what is the definition of this word?  According to the dictionary friendship is the state of being a friend — a friend is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard; a person who is on good terms with another.   According to a person I considered one of my best friends we are not friends anymore because we don’t speak often enough for her.  Here is the deal, we grew up together (we were a trio) and we used to do a lot of things together.  Travel, hang out, etc…but we all grew up.  20 years ago all we had to do was be around each other, because we had no other responsibilities.  Now we obviously have other things going on…we are all working mothers, they are married and I am not (doesn’t make it any easier for me to deal with day to day things).  So the issue she has with me is that we don’t speak often and she would rather have a “true friendship” with me than what we have been having…I was at a loss because I don’t measure my friendships by how often we speak on the phone.  I don’t call as often as she doesn’t call me and somehow I am the issue as far as communication goes.  I did address that with her and she still doesn’t get that communication is a two way street and if this is how she had been felling for the past few years (according to her) she should have said something when she felt the shift instead of waiting all this time.  So to me she didn’t want to fix the relationship at all.  If I were to feel a difference in how our relationship was I would have stated so immediately, why wait we are friends after all, aren’t we.   All 3 of us live in different states, me being the furthest away so I can’t just pop in for a quick visit on a Saturday afternoon and have lunch…and the third doesn’t speak hardly either but somehow I am the only one that has the issue.  So in my opinion the issue is not how often we speak or what we speak about, I think it is something completely different. What I don’t know, maybe she can’t be friends with the single friend anymore.  It is like the most high school situation I have been in since high school…which pisses me off. So like the saying goes some people are in your life for a reason, others are there for a season…I am guessing I am supposed to learn from this situation and her season is over. Luckily I know who I can count on regardless of how busy we get or how often we speak.