The One That Got Away

Being apart … 7 years to be exact…no phone calls, no e-mails, no postal mail…no contact at all.  It didn’t hurt that we live in different cities.  One evening one December I sat on the computer while talking to my bestest bestie…and thanks to Facebook I found him.  Having mutual friends it wasn’t hard…only one mutual friend honestly but that was all it took.  So what does my bestie tell me to do…”send him a message”…what the hell was I supposed to write to someone I had not had any contact with for years…and after about an hour of peer pressure I sent the message, something to this effect:

  “Hey, how are you? Do you remember who I am?”

After about 2 hours (since everyone has Facebook on their phones) I got a response:

“Of course I remember who you are, I am good how are you?”

So after a few hours all the familiarities were out of the way…the “what have you been up to?”, “where are you living?”, “are you married, divorced, kids?”, etc. Come to find out that his brother lives in the same city as I do, about 35 minutes away and he was due for a visit in a couple of weeks…talk about coincidence.  So the next message was:

“Can we exchange numbers so we can talk?  I would like to see you when I come out there.  My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX”

How excited was my bestie, you would have thought she was the one that used to date him…she was way more excited than I was, even though I had the butterflies in my stomach when we did meet up.  He was everything I remembered and more…more because he is now older and not into the little boy games.

7 years prior…we were both young, and got what we needed from each other, great sex with no baggage, no expectations which meant no disappointment, no commitment…which worked out for both of us at the time.  The only hurdle was the distance…approximately 75 miles. We made it work for the time we wanted it to work, making weekends our only time together.  Because I am a  female, at some point there became this emotional issue that I was terrified of (I am not even sure why) and I just stopped all contact/communication.  He would call and I would ignore and the one instance I did answer I was sort of a bitch, not in a bad way, I think I was just really short on the phone so he didn’t try to contact me again. That I believe was a huge mistake.

So I let him get away…and now I can’t help but think he was the ONE that got away.  2 years later and we still talk on the phone and text often…we have lots of meaningful conversations about future endeavors and things like that…but how can I set myself up for a situation I will possible be afraid of again.  If I was afraid of the emotional attachment then and it was only 75 miles in between us how could I not be terrified now with approximately 800 miles between us now.  He talks about selling his house and moving down here for a fresh start…but that is still up in the air.  Neither one of us wants a long distance relationship so we just keep things open…but still no relationship has happened for either of us since…not even prospects…

What to do? What to do?

 

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Needs!!!!!

So I have been trying to figure out what my problem is lately and I realized that I need a release. 😦

I have been having serious writer’s block. I can’t seem to get my thoughts to flow properly. Who knew sexual frustration would be linked to this. But it has to be…because why else would I be so stuck? I have walked away from it to see if that would help…and nothing. I get maybe a sentence or 2 out and that’s all. I have been working on one piece for about a month and I can’t seem ti make it work…I feel like a really big O is preventing me from letting my thoughts flow freely. It’s going on 2 years since I had any REAL release…I think I need to fix that.

Thoughts?