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What To Do

I am not sure how to approach this situation.  As most of you know my ex was in town for the weekend that just passed and we had a very cordial/friendly visit.  All was well or so I thought.  As I was checking my facebook yesterday I noticed his cousin was online and we were chatting.  She started to talk to me about my ex and not realizing she was sharing some new information…she notified me that he recently got a DUI and how he is headed down the same path as his father…(his father has had so many DUI’s that he got his license taken away and still lives at home with his parents at the age of 53) so what do I do with that…besides feel sad for him.  I/We thought the DUI just happened since he got back to NY but come to realize that this whole thing happened 2 weeks prior…during which time my daughter was in NY with him.  I have spoken with him and his mother since this whole ordeal happened and neither one of them said anything to me about it…

I can totally understand protecting your child and not wanting to shed a bad light on an already tough situation but give me a damn break…I am not just a bitter ex, I am the mother of his two children…one of which was in NY while all of this went down.  I think I deserve to know what the hell is going on.  Don’t you? I don’t need to know every waking detail of his life but something as important as that I think should be told to me.

While he was here I was talking to him about life and everything and how he needs to be a better provider for his kids and helping him with ideas on how to get there…I told him that I think he needs to go into the military.  He is not doing anything good with his life in NY and it is scary to me because his father was/is the same way he is being and he hates his father… I just don’t understand how he can do the same BS his father did and not think the girls will look at him the same way he looks at his father.  I just don’t want it to be too late for him to have a good relationship with the girls…and I don’t know how many times I need to emphasize how much a little girl needs her daddy…Shit I am almost 30 and I need my daddy still sometimes.

What do I do? I can’t force him to do anything but something has to happen.  He is never in the house when I call, he is always out playing basketball or something…never do I call and someone tells me he is at work.  There is a problem a big problem here.  Do I threaten to take the kids away from him permanently until he gets his life together???

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3 thoughts on “What To Do

  1. Well that kind of stuff is part of a public record. You should call and let him know that you saw his name in that public record and that you want to know when he was going to infrom you since your kids live with him…. So it’s not a sin to find out about things like that..you can tell him you had a google alert set up or something like that. Most states have a database which lists these types of crimes in a public manner along with an arrest record…what ever you do, don’t give up your source… =)

    T.

    • Thanks, wish I had your advice before I spoke with him. The girls live with me, they were just spending some summer vacation with him. I did talk with him about it and he seemed to be receptive to what I was saying. I didn’t get upset or angry with him because he is the type to pull back when confronted that way. I think he is depressed in some way, shape, form or fashion. I just hope he listened to what I had to say and not just heard me…and hopefully he will get back on track.

  2. I just read this. How’s it going? If it were just him, I’d say he has to figure this out. But since you have children with the man, you have a vested interest in his behavior not negatively influencing your children.

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